I’m heartbroken.

My husband got back to Atlanta late Wednesday/early Thursday and dropped Spencer off at the oncologist’s office this morning (Friday). Turns out it isn’t his lymph nodes, it is 3 nodules in his lungs – cancer. Best case they give us is 2 months if we bring him home and do nothing but what is needed to keep him comfortable for as long as possible. Or we can try another chemo – carboplatin. It won’t cure him, just buy more time. This time it will be one, short treatment every 3 weeks. They give us 30 – 40% odds that it will buy him 6 – 12 months. But I just keep reminding myself that these damn spots came up WHILE he was on chemo. Would they have come up faster had he not been on chemo? Would he already been gone if we hadn’t done the first 15 weeks of chemo? I guess that might be the case. But I’m just so pissed. He seems like he is doing sooooo great. He is full of life. What ever he did to make himself limp has healed up.

And then there’s the kids. I told them that we thought Spencer had beat this. That he was better. That we couldn’t be POSITIVE; but that we had every reason to think he would get to see them start high school (they are in kindergarten and 2nd grade right now). Now I get to tell them, nope. sorry.

I decided to go forward with the dose of carboplatin today. We will take it treatment by treatment. We will enjoy every minute that we have with him. I guess this means that if he is still around in August that we will be driving for our trip to CO so that he can come with us, because absolutely no more leaving him at home.

I think that I will wait until we get home from this trip to tell them. No point in spoiling the last of their trip. And if I tell them when we are home they can have Spencer there to love on him.

The “good news” is that I got food poisoning last night, so I was skipping skiing today anyway. My mom has the kids up on the mountain and I have a few hours to get myself together.

Author: justjac

Spencer is our 5.5 year old Doberman. He was diagnosed with an aggressive fibrosarcoma on 8/22. He had his left front leg amputated on 8/24/11. Finished 15 weeks of chemo on 12/22/11 (mytox and vincristine). Lung mets found 12/28/11. Fought hard and lived a full life right up until the end. Went to Heaven 2/28/12.

8 thoughts on “I’m heartbroken.”

  1. I am so sorry for this craptastic news. Cancer sucks so much. The good thing is that Spencer doesn’t know he is sick, so he is living in the moment. Be mad & sad, but when you get back to your fur-baby, live in the moment. Take lots of pictures- make sure you are in some of them too. You have the right idea- take him on your trip in August. Sending you hugs,

    Jenna & spirit Chili dawg

  2. Take your cues from Spencer. I firmly believe our dogs tell us when they’ve had enough. Sometimes we don’t listen to them.

    Where in CO are you going this summer? That’s where I am, and Wyatt and Jerry and Admin are here in the summer, too. Perhaps we can have a howl fest somewhere.

    Shari

  3. That’s not far from me at all, and I have a very close friend about 30 minutes from there. Are bulldogs allowed? Make sure you keep us posted on your plans. And in the meantime, treat this cancer crap like childbirth: keep breathing.

  4. I’m sorry to hear this news. Hopefully, Spencer’s new chemo will slow the devil down a bit. It’s hard not knowing how much time you have, but at least you have today. Love that boy as hard as you can for as long as you can. That’s the only way to get through this.

    Micki and Rio

  5. I am so sorry you received bad news. It is so hard making these decisions, but whichever one you choose will be the right one for Spencer and for your family.

    Live in the moment and enjoy every moment. Belly rubs every day.

    Nancy and Butchey

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