Almost 2 months and I still miss him

🙁  I was telling my husband last night, A day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t specifically thought to myself that I really miss Spencer.  I still tear up when I think about him.  I called our family vet yesterday to ask that if they have any patients who need an amputation and the family is on the fence that they give the family my name and number in case they want to talk to someone who has been through it.  I found myself tearing up just talking to the vet.  This weekend we plan to finally bury Spencer’s ashes (along with all of the other pets’ ashes that we have been saving).  I know it is going to be tough.  (Before we had the cabin we never had a home that we felt we would ALWAYS own.  Even our house now, we plan to sell it when (in 12 years) the kids are all out of high school.  But now we have the cabin and we plan to retire there, so are ready to bury all of our pets – my cat Fred, our cat Timone,  the dog we had when we got married – Baron, and now Spencer.)  I actually think that this weekend we will only bury Spencer and Timone’s ashes as they were also the kids’ pets and they need this closure.  Then later Ed and I can go and bury the other 2 pets.

I know I’m getting more to the point that I’m ready to consider getting a new dog; but man.  I still miss Spencer.  Every time I get home and put the key in the front door I think of how much I miss how happy he was to see me when I came through the door.  I really miss him everyday when I walk down to the school bus stop.  And oh how I miss him up at the cabin.

I’m starting to think that my heart is ready to have a new pet there to greet me and to become a part of our family.  I’m having a hard time figuring out what would be a good fit though.  My first thought is that we get another doberman.  BUT… I have decided that I want to buy from a breeder this time rather than doing a rescue.  I want to know the family history, know that there is no cardio myopathy or cancer in the family.  So maybe I can start out a little ahead…  But at the same time, I want a doberman with natural ears.  Well, I called what seem to be the 3 most reputable breeders near Atlanta.  All of them crop the pups’ ears at about 6 or 7 weeks – before they have figured out which dogs are pet quality and which are show quality.  And I REALLY love the natural ears.  I just can’t see us with a doberman with cropped ears – he would be missing such an expressive part of himself!  So, if not a doberman… we started talking about maybe we should do a small dog.  But it can’t be yippy or snappy.  It has to be a dog that is good with kids (kids who are good with dogs; but they are still kids).  I don’t want aggressions – not toy or food or anything else that I haven’t thought of.  And I want a dog who doesn’t have accidents in the house and is easily house trained.  It sure seems hard to find all of  that in a little dog.  I thought the French Bulldog seemed like it might be a possibility; but then some research said that these dogs absolutely can NOT swim.  At all.  they sink.  I think that is too much of a risk for us.  I mean, what if the little thing tried going in the lake at the cabin and we couldn’t get to him in time???  Too risky.  so, I’m still researching; but I also keep coming back to dobermans.  Other than being small (and therefor portable – even able to be our carryon luggage for our annual ski trip) dobermans have every quality that we want.  Maybe I just need to get over the cropped ears thing…

 

Author: justjac

Spencer is our 5.5 year old Doberman. He was diagnosed with an aggressive fibrosarcoma on 8/22. He had his left front leg amputated on 8/24/11. Finished 15 weeks of chemo on 12/22/11 (mytox and vincristine). Lung mets found 12/28/11. Fought hard and lived a full life right up until the end. Went to Heaven 2/28/12.

5 thoughts on “Almost 2 months and I still miss him”

  1. As much as his loss will hurt you for a very long time, it is nice to hear that you are healing some. I wish you the best of luck in your search for a new family member!
    Lisa

  2. Grief is such a difficult thing. I still think of furbabies I’ve had through the years – and there have been many. I will always miss them as I’m sure you will always miss your beautiful Spencer.

    I can’t wait to hear about the new addition to your home when you find him. We’ve had good luck with rescues, but getting a ‘non-show-worthy’ pup is a lot like rescuing. Our vet thinks that Baby and Humphrey (who had kidney cancer) were more likely to develop problems because they were purebreds. My mutts lived the longest, healthiest lives. Could be coincidence, I don’t really know. MB Giant Toby was a breeder throwaway that ended up at a shelter. Luckily, they knew to contact Gentle Giants Rescue who gave him a wonderful home until he came to us.

    I believe when you have so much love to give, the right dog will find you. I like to think that Spencer’s helping to pick him out.

    You’ll always hurt for him, but I hope your heart starts to feel a little lighter every day.

    Hugs and Slobbers
    Judy and Baby

  3. we agree with judy, the right dog will find you. even with a breeder, there are no guarantees, but follow your heart and it will work out. you can never replace spencer, but you will make new memories – spencer would like that.

    charon & spirit gayle

  4. I’ve been researching dogs, too, and looking at the most “cancer-free” breeds, but like everything in life, there are no guarantees. Even from a reputable breeder.

    I’ve been trying to get my head and heart around the fact that dogs just don’t live as long as us — even in the best of circumstances — and if I’m going to open my door to another dog, I will also be opening the door to another loss at some point down the road.

    And although, some days, my grief at losing Rio is actually palpable, I would do it over again in a heart beat, because that love that I felt for her is so very precious and rare. And to not know that feeling is more tragic than losing her…

    Rio’s momma, Micki

    PS: I LOVE the uncropped look too! Dobie ears are the cutest!

  5. There will always be a part of us that yearns for the special pup who we shared so much of our lives with. You will know when the time is right to bring another dog into your life, all the signs will point you in the right direction.

    I know you are going to take all the care in the world to look for that perfect dog, but I just want to share that through the years, we’ve see a lot more purebreds here at Tripawds with cancer, than mixed-breeds. Sadly, there is no way to guarantee which dogs will get an illness and which ones won’t, even if a breeder reassures you that the family history is clean. Just a thought.

    And we love floppy ears too!

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